“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12: 14-21
Relationships. The mere word is a sentence. Complex, run-on, difficult to parse correctly, they always seem to be a test that no amount of study prepares you for thoroughly. Having survived the holidays, I imagine many of you were gleeful to return to the routine, mundane days of life, no longer needing to find a gift for that hard to please relative (perhaps your spouse!) or pretend to enjoy the mincemeat pie your crazy aunt always insists that everyone try or spend New Year’s Eve talking with your bombastic neighbor about his successes in life. Now each day is filled with just the normal interactions, close family, co-workers, neighbors out for walks, church members, bowling buddies. Holidays or not, you cannot get away from people. Relationships.
I wanted to write this post on a single line of the passage from Romans, live peaceably with all, but the rest of the passage cried out to be heard. What I love about the “live peaceably with all” bit is that you are given an out. The first part of the line, “IF POSSIBLE, so far as it depends on you”, gives me an excuse. I guess in some relationships it is just not possible to live peaceably and maybe it is not completely my fault. I can name those people (but I won’t!). At least not here, but I do name them in prayer, and I have long conversations with God about how THOSE PEOPLE just refuse to go along with me. Oops. As far as it depends on ME, live peaceably with ALL. Hmm . . .
The rest of the passage is even worse, quite honestly, because there is no option. God speaks with authority here, making it plain that it is POSSIBLE and he expects his people to relate to others, to carry out relationships, by blessing those who curse us, by entering into the feelings of others appropriately, by living side by side with others in harmony, being humble, listening to the words of others, not seeking revenge, not jealous, not wanting to be above others, living peaceably with those around us. This is the study sheet for the relationship test. And it is possible to pass.
The passage begins to wind down the way I end all of my posts, with food. The recipe for successful relationships! If you are having a problem with someone, give them something to eat and drink. Provide what they need to be able to live peaceably as well, this is overcoming evil with good.
I presume I am not alone in misunderstanding the whole “heap burning coals on his head” section. For years I assumed that meant my vengeance was sweet and the guys head was just burning up, thank you Lord for taking up my cause! You can see why the ‘if possible’ contingency was so important to me. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Lois Tverberg, author of Reading the Bible with Rabbi Jesus (a book I highly recommend) comments at En-Gedi Resource Center:
“The picture of putting coals on a person’s head initially sounds like a picture of causing burning pain, but it really is not. Instead, it seems to be a picture of stirring up the coals of a fire to rouse it back to life again.”
In the Middle East in ancient times, one’s source of heat was a coal, carefully kept burning and often transported in a device on the head. Providing food and drink help your enemy and offer loving relationship, as if adding warmth and offering safety and shelter to your enemy. Building relationship, not destroying relationship.
Holidays or average workday, you cannot avoid relationships, nor should you. We were designed to live in community, and we are directed to live peaceably with all to the best of our ability. Your cheatsheet is found in Romans 12; study hard.
When my girls were growing up, breakfast was tricky. Nobody liked eggs, so I often resorted to what we call Breakfast Cookies. In reality these large, nutritious (if sweet) cookies are called Whoppers.
Full of oatmeal, I could easily justify one cookie as an entire breakfast. The recipe calls for raisins and chocolate chips, and that’s where the recipe brought division, not to enemies, but to sisters. One would not eat them if they contained raisins, and one would not eat them if they contained chocolate chips. Tempers flared and many a breakfast or snack time seemed like a win or loss for certain parties.
Attempting to live peaceably with all, I took to making a batch with just chips, a batch with just raisins, and a batch with both. It was a little more work, but peace has a price and a reward and it was worth it.
Whopper Cookies
- 2/3 cup melted butter
- 1 1/4 cup brown sugar, packed
- 3/4 cup granulated sugar
- 3 eggs
- 1 1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter
- 2 tsp baking soda
- 6 cups old fashioned oats
- 2 cups chocolate chips (dark, semi sweet, milk, white, your choice)
- 1 1/2 cups raisins*
Preheat oven to 350*. Grease a baking sheet.
In a large mixing bowl (this is typically stirred by hand so any bowl will do) combine melted butter, sugars, eggs, and peanut butter until smooth. Add in baking soda, stir until combined. Add oats and stir, then add chips and raisins.
With a 1/4 cup measuring cup, scoop dough onto the greased baking sheet, flattening slightly. These cookies are called whoppers because they are big. They actually taste much better if measured at 1/4 cup because the large size allows the edges to crisp slightly and the centers to stay soft. Bake at 350* for 8-12 minutes, depending on your oven and your taste. Store in a sealed container.
*As mentioned above, the cookies can be made without the raisins, but if you like raisins at all, I would put them in. They keep the cookies softer and moist for longer. If raisins are truly out, try dried cranberries or a different dried fruit to keep in the moisture.
Sharing a few of these treats with someone else may aid your attempt to live peaceably with all!
