“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another. John 15: 12-17
I’m having company next week and I can hardly wait. They will not stay long, are not family and require very little of me; only absolute truth. They are seven other ladies that I call my flock. We have been meeting together for a couple of years and each time we get together I am strengthened and renewed.
Our church started this ladies’ program of small group/flocks several years ago, but the Bible has been speaking of loyalty, honesty and taking advice from trusted friends for longer than any Christian church has been around. Proverbs 18:1-2 warns, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”
Isolation. The church in the USA, sadly, has been good at promoting isolation. Expectations get in the way of true friendship. Legalism, appearance, perfectionism, competition and comparison, sin, financial position, ethnicity, busyness, misunderstandings, fear–everything that effects the world effects the church and ruins our ability to be real with each other. Ruins our ability to have friends that will tell us hard truth when we need to hear it.
We are not perfect, my flock and I. We have had our own misunderstandings. It has taken us awhile to get to the point where we can truly be who we are in all our flawed wonder. The Bible tells me we are each fearfully and wonderfully made; God designed each of us uniquely on purpose. He loves us and offers each of us eternal life and forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gracious gift, one we struggle to offer each other at times. We are not perfect, but our desire is to be real. To have a space where we can speak freely, openly, honestly and lovingly, helping each other to be conformed into the image of Jesus.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the world to see my struggles. It’s easy to acknowledge that I am a sinner, much harder to acknowledge the details of how I am a sinner. Easier to clean myself up, wear suitable clothing and act like I’m a loving wife, competent mother and helpful friend despite the argument with my husband first thing in the morning, or the call from the school informing me I forgot to pick up my child, or my selfish desires to cancel everything and run away to a deserted island stocked with my favorite ice-cream.
You see, I need my flock. I need their gentle reminders to keep going, not throw in the towel, lean into the way God made me and fear not. I need their honesty, which reminds me that I can change. That we are all works in progress. I need their prayer support. What a joy to know that by sending a single text seven other ladies are praying for me, supporting me and lifting me up to God.
You may not have a flock and you may not need seven friends, but you do need some. Everyone loves the friends that only affirm our every decision, but everyone NEEDS the friends that honestly assess the decision and encourage us to think again. A true friend loves enough to risk the truth.
If you have had ‘yes’ friends all your life, it will be quite an adjustment to finding friends who will be honest with you, but it will change your life. You will be able to ‘dress down’, be yourself, share camaraderie with other sinners like yourself who need support and encouragement. You will have the opportunity to deepen your friendship and your walk with Jesus, who, though perfect, is a friend of sinners.
I need to warn you that there is a cost to having friends like this, and being a friend like this. It will cost you time. You cannot know people well without spending time together. Experiencing life together–tasting each other’s cooking, lazing around a pool, discussing a book, seeing each other’s life space–allows you to understand the shiny facets of each other’s lives.
It will also cost you heartache. My flock and I rejoice together! But we also grieve together. From cancer to babies to promotions to deaths, the love we share unites us and brings both laughter and tears. Through it all, we are a team, praying, practicing, and playing together.
Finally it will cost your pride. There is no star player on our flock. We are all sheep, following our Good Shepherd. Any one of us might be the sheep who wanders off at any time; no one of us has the right answer for every situation. When it is my turn to unload my raw need, I cannot let shame and fear keep me from sharing; keep me from looking bad. All I have to bring is my absolute truth. And I can bring that in the confidence that my flock loves me and wants God’s best for my life.
Next week my flock will come to my house. They will each bring a taste of their cooking and a bathing suit. I will tidy the pool area, but they will see my weeds in all their glory and they will still love me.
The fruit crisp recipe I’m sharing this week reminds me of my flock. You can use any kind of fruit you want to use in it, as well as multiple kinds. We love it as apple crisp, but this week I’m making peach blackberry crisp. The soft, sweet fruit combines with the crunchy, oatmeal topping and gives you multiple taste textures. My flock is a little fruity! very sweet, comprised of a variety of ladies who come together in a harmony of personalities that add texture and joy to my world.
Fruit Crisp
Filling:
- 3 Tbsp flour
- 1/2 sugar
- 12 oz. blackberries, washed and dried
- 8 cups peeled, sliced peaches
Prepare fruit and place in a large bowl. Add flour and sugar and combine gently, do not crush the fruit. Pour into a greased 13×9″ pan.
Topping:
- 1/2 cup cold butter, cubed
- 1 cup packed brown sugar
- 3/4 Gold Medal Flour
- 2 cups whole oats
- 1/2 tsp nutmeg
Combine all ingredients in food processor and process until well combined. You can do this by hand but it will take a lot longer. Sprinkle mixture over fruit and bake at 400* for 30 minutes. Fruit should be soft. Serve warm with ice-cream or whipped cream.
Notes: This recipe is for a 13×9″ pan but can easily be switched to whatever size you need. I often use the same amount of topping for a 9×9″ because we love it! This works wonderfully for apples, blackberries, raspberries, peaches, and pears. You can add pecans for more crunch. The amount of sugar varies depending on your taste and the tartness of your fruit. You will need extra flour for raspberries as they tend to be very runny. For apple crisp I use cinnamon; you can add ginger to the peach. Experiment as you will!