Confession, Consistency and Custard . . .

Surely he has borne our griefs
    and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
    smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions;
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:4-6

True confession, I did have jet lag last week, but I also had surgery. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Or I will be in a few days. It was not an emergency surgery. It was a conscious decision to go on holiday (more about that next week!), return and have surgery to take care of a problem that has been bothering me for more than a decade.

That’s right, I have been in pain or sick off and on for more than ten years, managing my symptoms as best I could because I did not want to have surgery. I could handle it myself, medicine here, sleep there, miss out on this or that. Besides, who has time for surgery and recuperating? I’m the caregiver, not the care-receiver.

All that changed in January when it became obvious I could not take care of myself, so I began the almost year long process of getting the surgery I knew would help. As expected, the surgery itself was fine–I was asleep! Nothing bothered me. Until I woke up. Then, as I had suspected from listening to my surgeon husband explain that surgery was really the Greek word for PAIN, I regretted my decision to have the operation.

My first post-surgical memory is seeing my husband’s face. I could see kind nurses and doctors in the background, but all I knew was that every inch of my back hurt in a pain I had never experienced before. No repositioning helped, the first pain med they tried did nothing, I could not get away from the excruciating pain. It felt like the most intense labor contraction occurring permanently across my whole back; why did I do this?

Much prayer, some morphine, muscle relaxers, and time have brought me to this moment; Day 5, sitting relatively comfortably at my kitchen table, back to writing. Back to thinking almost clearly about pain and love and consistency.

In the hospital, or ‘in hospital’ as they say in England, they ask patients over and over to rate their pain on a scale of 0-10. The pain scale is a subjective call, each person deals with pain a little differently. I’ve given birth three times, walked the cancer journey with my daughter, seen the expression on my husband’s face as he lay in the ER with a chainsaw wound to his leg; all of those things seem to merit more pain than what I expected from elective surgery, but I wanted to shout 10 at the top of my lungs.

I did not. Even in pain, even mostly out of my mind, I mustered an 8 and was given morphine ala comedian Brian Regan. It helped, and my post surgery mind went on to contemplate Jesus. He chose crucifixion. Willingly. Knowingly. Just because he loves us.

It’s one thing for me to go through my own pain to fix my own problem, but Jesus took all the wounds, all the pain, all the agony FROM each of us and endured it himself so we could be healed. He elected a splintery cross, back already bleeding, abuse hurled at him for sins he did not commit. No morphine, no muscle relaxers, no relief; not even any gratitude from his followers at the time, just the joy set before him in knowing his love had triumphed. It is astounding. And too often I take it for granted.

The consistency of the love of God, as evidenced in the life of Jesus here on this earth, should be the bedrock of our faith. Of my faith. I want to challenge you to read through the gospels during the month of September, specifically to focus on all the ways Jesus does what he does out of sheer love for all of us inconsistent people. We rebel, lack faith, worship idols, place our own interests first, lie, cheat, steal, argue, backstab, etc…, and still Jesus took the pain upon himself to save us. All of us. From the least to the greatest sinner of all, because in reality any sin at all separates us from God and we need rescue. Jesus did not back away, did not say we weren’t worth it after all, did not take the easy way, He shouted at the top of his lungs, “It is finished”. Despite the pain, He loved to the end. Or perhaps to the beginning, bringing life and love to all who believe.

I am blessed to have both a Savior and a husband who love consistently and well. As mentioned, my husband is a surgeon and we have enjoyed very traditional roles in our family, meaning he is the hunter/gatherer and I cook. As we prepared for my surgery we agreed that I would not cook for a solid week after the procedure. We knew I would be on a liquid diet for at least the first week, and I assumed that between McDonalds, Sonic and my daughter’s he would be taken of. While my daughter did bring him several meals, I was amazed at all the cooking the good doctor managed.

He made his own breakfasts, complete with pancakes, and the aromas from his lunches and dinners were almost killing me! Suffice it to say a liquid diet is not my cup of tea. In fact, even tea didn’t taste good. It was all about consistency. Liquid diets allow for jello, pudding, cream of wheat, yogurt; all very smooth items with no crunch.

Noticing my lack of enthusiasm for what was allowed, he asked me what I wanted. Custard. One of the few smooth dishes I actually enjoy, custard is a family favorite. He eyed me quizzically, but between the nutritional content of this egg and milk dish, his willingness to try new things, and his deep love and care for me, we had the kitchen scented nutmeg within an hour. By nightfall I had real food, delicious and nutritious. More often than I realize, life is about consistency.

Taken from “Betty Crocker’s New Picture Book Cookbook” published in 1961, this recipe is perfect for anyone recuperating from almost anything! It is not hard, but you must follow the directions to use scalded and cooled milk, as well as baking in a water bath.

Baked Custard

• 4 eggs, whisked
• 2/3 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 4 cups scalded milk, cooled
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• nutmeg to sprinkle on top

Heat oven to 350* and coat a 2 quart casserole dish with baking spray. Scald 4 cups of milk and allow to cool. The easiest way to to do this is to place milk in a glass, 4 cup measuring cup and microwave on high for three minutes. Allow to cool, to prevent the hot milk from scrambling the eggs.

While milk is cooling, whisk 4 eggs. This can be done directly in your prepared casserole dish. Add the sugar and salt, whisking to combine.The original recipe calls for regular granulated sugar, but we like to use brown sugar. Your choice! When the milk is cool, add to egg mixture, whisking well. Add vanilla extract and stir well.

Sprinkle grated nutmeg over the mixture, the more the better in my book!

This recipe calls for the custard to be baked in a water bath. All that requires is placing your custard laden casserole dish inside a 13×9″ pan containing 1″ of hot water. Place the entire thing in the hot oven and bake for 45 minutes until lightly browned. You can test the consistency by inserting a knife into the baked custard. If it comes out clean it is done.

This smooth dessert can be eaten hot or cold. Or as a meal! The original recipe was half this recipe but we love it so we always double it. It can be baked and served in individual ramekins if you want to make it fancier.